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Guy Rules!

2K views 11 replies 6 participants last post by  SKIRTS'NBASS 
#1 ·
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here
are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither
do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but
it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine ... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as sports, the weather, or
hunting.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep
on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind
that? It's like camping.

CoonAz
 
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#5 ·
:D That is actually pretty good!! A smart woman would just bend and take this rule list as good advice, and a smart man would take the other as good advice. There is a happy medium somewhere. Takes two!! Everyone should read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus!!

Deb :D
 
#8 ·
Let me remind you....

Here is my rebuttal……I’ll keep them all numbered “1” on purpose cuz I know counting and reading at the same time can be difficult (which is why the original list is formatted that way, I’m sure). I also realize that counting past one (how many fish ya catch?) is not used too often for some fisherMEN.

1.Men ARE not mind readers. Of course not, how can you read something you have no experience having?

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. It’s not the whole up and down thing that’s the problem, it’s the sprinkles left behind. Stand closer, it’s not as big as you think.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides, let it be! So if we understand you correctly, you only need Sunday for yourself? So that means you can get all those things done around the house Monday through Saturday? We knew we loved you for a reason. It’s a deal!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. True. Shopping is not a sport, more of a sick form of torture. It is a test of patience and endurance (things valuable to fishing also).

1. Crying is blackmail. We will sincerely try not to let the tears fall while we’re laughing at you next time.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We want to go fishing! We want a maid and a cook so we can go fishing more. We want a new St Croix rod with a Shimano reel……spooled if you could manage it.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Did you invite the Hooter’s waitress to go fishing with you and did you answer her questions about your wife? Ya. I didn’t think a simple yes or no would work either.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Well, being that you are our number one problem and you haven’t solved it yet……….

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Take a shower. You’ll be amazed at how fast the headache disappears.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible! in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. I’m sorry. Did you say something worth remembering 6 months ago?

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Why spend good money on something that only stays on for 5 minutes when we can buy more fishing gear?

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. If you think you’re going bald, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Well, now that we have it cleared up that you have Monday through Saturday to get stuff done, this should no longer be a problem. We only suggest how to do things so you can get them done quicker.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. There are no commercials at the lake, which is where we’ll be. Enjoy your show.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. He probably couldn’t find fish either.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Okay, let us explain it this way……Margarita Mutilator, Pumpkinseed, Pleasant Special……

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that. Again, we’ll try to keep the tears to a minimum when laughing.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If we ask you where you’ve been all night and you say “nowhere”, we will assume you can’t find the bedroom and are fine sleeping “nowhere”. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Ditto.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. Changing your shirt so there is no wording on it does not mean you are dressed up. If you could get that on your own, we could probably be ready on time.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, golf, or fishing . This is only a mistake young women make. They’ll learn soon enough that you don’t think.
1. You have enough clothes. Good! Now we can concentrate our efforts on getting that new bass boat!

1. You have too many shoes. There you go trying to “think” again.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! We won’t say anything about shapes if you won’t say anything about gravity!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. We’ve got the tent pitched out back so you can feel better about it. Don’t worry, your side of the bed will stay warm, the dog loves your pillow!
 
G
#10 ·
All I got to say is you 'ROCK' girl. You have changed from a foot long nightcrawler into a full blown 7 foot "Queen" Cobra. I laughed so hard at your answers that my sides ache. Why don't you go into being a political rebutal specialist. That guy is lucky they make blow up dolls, cause that is about the only thing I can think of that would stay along side him. Save some of you venom back cause he might need another good strike in the ego. SDM aka Little Timex.
 
#11 ·
1.Men ARE not mind readers. Of course not, how can you read something you have no experience having? No, it's just really hard trying to read a "blank" page.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. It’s not the whole up and down thing that’s the problem, it’s the sprinkles left behind. Stand closer, it’s not as big as you think. If sprinkles are the problem they may not all be ours. So squat lower, it's bigger than you think.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides, let it be! So if we understand you correctly, you only need Sunday for yourself? So that means you can get all those things done around the house Monday through Saturday? We knew we loved you for a reason. It’s a deal! Read closer! It only says, Sunday sports, it doesn't say that Monday thru Saturday are free do what "you" want. They still don't understand!

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. True. Shopping is not a sport, more of a sick form of torture. It is a test of patience and endurance (things valuable to fishing also). Wow! You hit that nail right on the head. We agree! It's torture, and a test of patience & endurance.

1. Crying is blackmail. We will sincerely try not to let the tears fall while we’re laughing at you next time. Great!! That clears that one up.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We want to go fishing! We want a maid and a cook so we can go fishing more. We want a new St Croix rod with a Shimano reel……spooled if you could manage it. Okay, it's a deal, but we get to pick the maid and the cook. You can then go fishing all you want.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Did you invite the Hooter’s waitress to go fishing with you and did you answer her questions about your wife? Ya. I didn’t think a simple yes or no would work either. To answer your rebutal question, YES, to all of them!! See it does work.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Well, being that you are our number one problem and you haven’t solved it yet………. We can't solve it, because half of the problem you're refering to is female, and no one knows the answer to that question yet!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Take a shower. You’ll be amazed at how fast the headache disappears. That funny, because that's exactly what she says all the time. It must be a female conspiracy thing.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. I’m sorry. Did you say something worth remembering 6 months ago? Yeah, we did, but it seems you've all ready forgotten it.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Why spend good money on something that only stays on for 5 minutes when we can buy more fishing gear? Maybe, just maybe, it beats the heck out of a pink, worn out terry cloth robe. If you wore something more exciting then you might get more action!!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. If you think you’re going bald, you probably are. Don’t ask us. I am! So I won't! The difference is, going bald doesn't bother me.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one! What, no comment on this one. I think it's pretty much self explanitory.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Well, now that we have it cleared up that you have Monday through Saturday to get stuff done, this should no longer be a problem. We only suggest how to do things so you can get them done quicker. See #1 above!

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. There are no commercials at the lake, which is where we’ll be. Enjoy your show. We will!

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. He probably couldn’t find fish either. If you remember right, he wasn't exactly looking for fish. Jeezzz!

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Okay, let us explain it this way……Margarita Mutilator, Pumpkinseed, Pleasant Special…… That's better. Those we can understand. However, I don't think "Gourd Green", or "Watermelon Seed" would make a very appealling make-up color.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that. Again, we’ll try to keep the tears to a minimum when laughing. Great, because we won't quit scratching!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If we ask you where you’ve been all night and you say “nowhere”, we will assume you can’t find the bedroom and are fine sleeping “nowhere”. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. You assumed wrong! See, we really knew where the bedroom was, but when you lay around in that (sexy?) worn out, pink terry cloth robe, it makes us want to stay away all night!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Ditto. DITTO!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. Changing your shirt so there is no wording on it does not mean you are dressed up. If you could get that on your own, we could probably be ready on time. Why? You're probably the one's that wanted to go somewhere in the first place, not us. Besides, words on shirts are cool, and t-shirts are very comfortable.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, golf, or fishing . This is only a mistake young women make. They’ll learn soon enough that you don’t think. Just so you don't assume wrong, there's a big difference between looking like you're not thinking and ignoring someone.

1. You have enough clothes. Good! Now we can concentrate our efforts on getting that new bass boat! I just got mine, get your own!!

1. You have too many shoes. There you go trying to “think” again. When a closet overflows, or you can't get into it because of shoes, you have too many damn shoes!!

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! We won’t say anything about shapes if you won’t say anything about gravity! There is no such thing as gravity, the world sucks!!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. We’ve got the tent pitched out back so you can feel better about it. Don’t worry, your side of the bed will stay warm, the dog loves your pillow! Then let the dog help pay the damn mortgage!

CoonAz :lol: :lol:
 
#12 ·
:D Damn, you two should of run for president and then at least the "debates" would of been funny and interesting and more "lifelike and real"!!! LMAO!! You two are funny and very very creative!! :D This is better than Blue Collar Comedy...............Hmmm............"Battle of the Fishing Sexes" Comedy?? :D

Deb :D
 
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